I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
