I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
