Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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