literally had 100 drinks last night.
You smell like stripper and shame
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
