No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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