I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
