NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
