You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
