Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
