I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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