she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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