I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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