Swine flu. Run for my life!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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