just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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