i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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