You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I looked at my own cervix.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
