Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
