Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
