C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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