mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
