I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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