You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
