So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
