I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I lost the right to judge tonight
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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