yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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