we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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