We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
