totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
