Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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