there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
