My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
