My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
