Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
