tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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