Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
