Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
