OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
