He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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