I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
