just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
