Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
