my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
