i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
