I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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