Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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