miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
