As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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