I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
