Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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