ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You were trust falling into bushes
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
