i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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