I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
