Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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